I forgot to weigh myself
The other night, as I was getting ready for bed, I thought, "I forgot to weigh myself." It was a revelatory moment and an awesome stage in recovery. I've been traveling for work for the last 2.5 months, and I've mostly been away from the things that I find comfortable and from my routine.
As someone living in recovery from both anorexia and binge eating, weighing myself regularly is definitely part of my routine. You'll hear lots of therapist and "experts" say that you shouldn't weigh yourself on a regular basis. However, for me, it is a checkpoint. I know when I see the number rise consistently or dip consistently that I need to be on guard. Part of living in recovery is knowing yourself well enough to know the checks and balances you need to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Yet there's no denying that weighing yourself everyday keeps you at least a little focused on size.
When I travel during the week for work, I have to switch up my exercise, nutrition and weigh-ins from what I'd do when I'm home. This is not a big problem; I actually think it's a great skill to develop to be adaptable. As a disciple of Jesus, I want to be able and willing to serve in whatever situation He allows me to be in. So I embrace the changes.
The only way to weigh in at the hotel is downstairs in the gym. Normally, I'm working out at night and I'll weigh before I begin the workout. Well, recently, as I was preparing for bed post-workout, the thought drifted through my mind, "I forgot to weigh myself."
And the fact that I hadn't weighed was NO BIG DEAL to me. I didn't panic and get dressed again to go downstairs and weigh. I didn't scrutinize myself in the mirror. I just thought, "Hmm, okay, no problem!" and went to sleep!
If you've never struggled with an eating disorder, this may seem kind of ridiculous to you. But if you're someone who has struggled with weight, size and shape, you get it. To be able to realize you have no idea what you weigh and truly NOT CARE is an amazing, sweet, gift. It's a gift that 16 years ago crying in my car begging God to let me go to treatment and for Him to make treatment work, I never imagined would be mine.
That simple little thought marks a huge shift in my world. I had to share it with you.
Change is possible. Freedom is possible.
Galatians 5:1 says, "For Freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." In Him, I'm FREE! I don't have to be tied to a scale, an addiction, or an idol. Instead, I get to experience an abundance of peace, of joy, of acceptance, of LOVE!
I hope you will be encouraged by this verse tonight and by the knowledge that freedom from whatever is holding you hostage can be yours - in Jesus!
If you know someone who would be encouraged by this post, would you please pass it on? I believe we're created for community and we can help each other along the way. My prayer is that sharing some of my life experiences will spark hope in the readers and that they will be drawn to Jesus.
With love,
Anna